Parenting after separation, or “Co-Parenting” as we like to say now, comes with its own set of challenges — and a lot of misconceptions. From believing you have to be good friends with your ex to thinking everything needs to be perfectly aligned between two homes, or thinking you need to over-compromise to keep the peace — these are unrealistic expectations that can add unnecessary stress to an already complex journey.

Let’s get some co-parenting myths debunked, build some strong co-parenting relationships and explore what actually works in real life, or at least what has worked for me, with a few stories from our own experience to keep it real.

Myth #1: You Have to Be Friends with Your Co-Parent

Reality Check:

While being close friends can make co-parenting easier, it’s not a requirement. What matters most is mutual respect and effective communication.

What Actually Works:

Focus on being teammates who work together for the kids’ well-being. Greg and I are best friends now, or again, but it didn’t happen overnight. We had a strong foundation of friendship before dating, but even that didn’t guarantee an “exes to allies” situation. It took time, effort, and some hard self-work for both of us to rebuild our friendship after our separation and learn how to co-parent effectively.

There were times when we couldn’t look each other in the eye without me crying or one or both of us getting upset. It wasn’t until we each hit emotional rock bottom and saw our kids trying to hold everything together for us that we realized we had to make a change. Our first truly peaceful family event was Christmas of 2023. It was a true turning point for us as co-parents.

That being said, not everyone will rebuild a strong friendship with their co-parent — and that’s okay. Respecting each other enough to get along in front of and around the kids is the minimum goal. If you can land anywhere on the scale between “respect enough” and “best friends,” you’re winning. Hold tight to that one.

Myth #2: Co-Parenting Means Always Agreeing

Reality Check:

Disagreements are normal — even healthy. What matters is how you handle them.

What Actually Works:

Prioritize open communication and compromise. Use tools like shared calendars or co-parenting apps (Greg and I are testing out a few apps to review soon) to stay organized and reduce conflict. Honestly, the shared Google email and calendar for everything to do with our kids has made it so much easier to keep all the communication with teachers, appointments and events going much more smoothly. It is not perfect. It will never be “perfect” but a little organization and prep goes a long way.

Greg and I still don’t agree on everything — and we’ve learned that’s okay. When tensions arise, we step back and ask, What’s best for the kids? What serves them? What will bring them the most joy and help their lives and their potential thrive?

It took a lot of self-work for both of us to get here.

For me, letting go of the need to always be right was a huge hurdle (don’t tell Greg! He might have been better and quicker at coming to this conclusion than I was.) Haha.

Ultimately, it’s not about winning arguments — it’s about creating an environment where your kids feel supported, safe and loved, even when you don’t agree. If you get one thing from this post, I want it to be this one. You and your children will have a true space to thrive when with this one tip in place.

Myth #3: One Parent Is Always “The Problem”

Reality Check:

It’s tempting to point fingers, but co-parenting success depends on both parents working to grow and improve.

What Actually Works:

If you have unresolved issues, consider co-parenting counselling or a modified version of couples counselling. This isn’t about fixing the past; it’s about creating a healthy rhythm for raising your kids together. I am a contributing member of a Facebook group that helps people through the divorce with kids process, I’m not an affiliate, I just truly love the community in there and there are tons of divorce coaches who can help you through your unique situation. You can check it out here if you like.

Even if your co-parent isn’t open to the idea of counselling together you can do it for yourself. Depending on where you live there may be free resources for you to access. In fact, I am making a Trello note now to gather free and paid counselling resources that may be useful… Now, back to our current topic.

It is no surprise to any of us that kids will thrive when their parents can set aside personal issues and focus on them. Co-parenting isn’t just about today — it’s about the years to come. You’ll cross paths at graduations, weddings, and even as grandparents. Your kids, and future grandkids, deserve parents who can work through challenges to build a healthy dynamic.'

Myth #4: You Have to Parent the Same Way in Both Homes

Reality Check:

Each household will have its own style, and that’s okay.

What Actually Works:

Focus on the big things — like discipline, bedtime, and schoolwork — and let go of the need for perfection.

Greg and I tried hard to keep everything perfectly consistent for a while, but we quickly realized it wasn’t realistic. We have different schedules, routines, and preferences, we are different people and that’s okay. Just work to keep the basic routine as close as you can in each household.

For example, I’m terrible at mornings. Seriously the worst, guys. I’m not kidding. At my house, we prep everything the night before to avoid chaos. At Greg’s, he wakes up early, gets everything ready, and plays music to set the tone. But, in either house the kids thrive because the important things get done, even if our methods are different.

Honestly, since we came to peace with each matching what we can and not forcing the bits that were harder to match, we have both noticed tidbits of adoptive practices sneaking in. I start music first thing in the morning now. Well, I have it set to a timer the night before to start, haha. And Greg has been finding himself laying out some of the lunch stuff the night before.

I think the key point in this one is to let go of resistance and match what you can as you are physically and mentally able. Consistency doesn’t mean identical routines; it means stability in the areas that matter most while creating flow.

Myth #5: Co-Parenting Means Sacrificing Your Own Happiness

Reality Check:

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s essential.

What Actually Works:

Prioritize self-care to show up as your best self for your kids and your co-parent.

When we were married, I was terrible at self-care. And for the record, Greg would try to coax me to take more self-care time, I was just a stubborn ass, haha. Now, since embracing healthy co-parenting, Greg and I have both improved at making time for ourselves. For me, it’s fitness goals — I squeeze in YouTube workouts and check in with accountability friends, including Greg. Greg, being more social, makes time for coffee or wings with friends to recharge his batteries.

We even support each other by trading off time with the kids when possible, so the other can recharge. He’ll come do bedtime at my house so I can get a good workout in or I’ll have the kids an extra night so he can have a wings or date night. This won’t work for everyone, but it works for us. Remember, a balanced parent is a better parent, and your kids benefit from seeing you both prioritize your well-being. So help each other out when you can.

Conclusion

Co-parenting isn’t perfect, but busting these myths, embracing your own groove, matching your co-parent’s groove as you can, and helping to make sure that you each get reset time… all of this can help you create a partnership that works for your family. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection.

Greg and I cover all sorts of Co-Parenting and Divorce topics in our Podcast, What the Co-Parent, you can subscribe to it on Spotify here or look for “What the Co-Parent” on your favourite podcast platform.

Ready for more tips and tools? Join our What the Co-Parent Insiders Circle and connect with a supportive community of co-parents just like you.