What the Co-Parent

Letting Go - Delegation for Recovering Control Freaks

Letting Go: Delegation

for Recovering Control Freaks

One of the most life-changing skills I learned during my recovery from my moment of near-deadly complacency was delegating. I couldn’t do anything for myself for most of my hospital stay. In those first few weeks, I couldn’t even shower without help. For months, everything — my care, my family, the farm we had at the time, and my job — had to be handled by others.

Life is Busy…

My life is busy. I am sure life is busy for everyone, but seriously, I don’t know what it’s like to be “bored.” I’ve heard about people being “bored.” I just don’t understand how someone can be bored, with all the access to information and tools we have, I just don’t get it. There’s always something to do, something I want to do, and other things that need to (and really should) get done first.

It drives my ex and my mother absolutely nuts when they see me starting a new project or taking on a new responsibility. “Sometimes, Jenn, I get dizzy just looking at you,” is something I hear from both of them. I’ve managed to slow down a bit and accept my limitations after a head injury a few years back. But still, I am NEVER bored.

Does that mean I’m a rockstar at keeping all the balls in the air — being a mother, an entrepreneur, a daughter, a sister, and a co-parent? Hell no! I drop balls all the time. But I’m working on managing that. I know I’ll never stop being someone who always has something on the go. I’ve started to understand and accept that I need to get better at staying organized, taking care to not pile my plate too high, and prioritising mindfully. It’s a learning process, but I’m finding a rhythm — despite it taking a near-death experience falling head-first off of a roof to motivate that desire for rhythm.

Even in the weeks I was stuck in a hospital room I didn’t have many opportunities to be bored. There was always something to worry about at the very least, haha.

Learning to Delegate

One of the most life-changing skills I learned during my recovery from my moment of near-deadly complacency was delegating. I couldn’t do anything for myself for most of my hospital stay. In those first few weeks, I couldn’t even shower without help. For months, everything — my care, my family, the farm we had at the time, and my job — had to be handled by others.

Thankfully, we had amazing people step in and take charge. Their support made a terrifying situation more manageable, but it still required me to provide direction when I could. Handing over responsibilities for your passions and livelihood is not easy. I constantly worried: Am I asking too much? Will the job be done right? Will someone get hurt? Will my kids be okay? Will the animals be okay? The guilt weighed heavily on me, but I’ve learned to manage it. Ultimately, I am forever grateful for the community that rallied around my family when we needed them. The whole experience taught me so much.

Co-Parenting and Delegation

Fast forward to now: No more farm, Greg and I are now separated and co-parents–delegation has taken on a whole new meaning. Despite having separate lives and separate homes we still had plenty of tasks to share. We sat down and made lists of everything that needed to be done, creating separate lists for our households and a shared one for responsibilities related to the kids. From there, we:

Divided Tasks:

Each of us picked tasks we enjoyed or excelled at. For example, Greg handles car maintenance while I manage bookkeeping and appointments.

Identified Shared Tasks:

We agreed on tasks we’d both handle, like volunteering for school events and managing the kids’ after-school activities.

Outsourced the Rest:

Housekeeping, yard work, and meal prep became tasks we delegated to professionals or even neighbour kids looking to make a few bucks shovelling snow or mowing lawns.

Examples of Delegated Tasks

Here are some ways we’ve lightened our loads:

Meals:

I enjoy meal planning but use meal prep services or order in when life gets hectic. Greg loves the ready-to-go meal preps delivered. I’m not a huge fan of the full meal services but I do enjoy the budget-friendly meal plans with a shopping list that I get from Rachel Coons and Susie Weinrich with Mom’s Dinner.

We also chose to opt to split the cost of hot lunches for the kids as much as possible. We still have to pack some lunches, but it lessens the load for both of us.

Yard Chores:

I hire a local teenager for seasonal work, mow the grass and shovel. Greg brings in someone in Spring and Fall for a big yard cleanup. Although, my sister uses a professional maintenance service that is top-notch.

We team up and help each other with big projects when we can too. Last year Greg hauled about 50 wheelbarrows of dirt and wood chips for my raised beds. But I’ll be helping design and build some for him next year.

Housekeeping:

Hiring a cleaner has been a game-changer for my sanity. I have two different cleaners, who do alternating bi-weekly. One of them does Greg’s place bi-weekly. I have a friend I hire to come in and just fold and put away laundry.

Actual quote from Jenn:

“I hates the laundry!”

[Insert that scene with Gollum you’re thinking of now, here.]

We also aligned the kid’s chores and responsibilities in each household. Like unloading the dishwasher and taking out the garbage.

Bookkeeping:

I organize the basic finances for my home and the businesses but rely on a pro for major bookkeeping and taxes. This one saves me almost as much time as the housekeeping. I also found utilising apps like ‘Intuit’ helps me track expenses and mileage on the go. Let the pros take over whenever you can.

Grocery Delivery:

Services like Doordash, Walmart Delivery, or Instacart save time and money by preventing impulse buys. I shop for just the stuff I need from the meal plans I grab right from an app and it comes right to my door. I’ve learned not to overthink the food and meal planning. Again, trust the pros, I grab a few recipes from Rachel Coons and Susie Weinrich with Mom’s Dinner, throw what I need for them in the app I’m shopping from and move to the next task.

Kitty Litter Services:

Yes, they exist, and they’re life-changing! Or, dog dootie pick-up services. Again, I hired a teenager down the street from my parents to help with their dogs. He pops by a couple of times a week and does a quick pickup and I have peace of mind that my parents have something off their plates.

Giving Yourself Permission

Delegating isn’t about shirking responsibility; it’s about working smarter, not harder. Letting others help means I can focus on my kids, my work, and my health. It’s an investment in my well-being, and I’ve learned to embrace it without guilt. Putting more of my time and energy where it matters most is best for everyone.

I find I need to re-visit my own task list regularly and Greg and I need to revisit our shared task list every few months, too. It's a process to keep efficient but once it's in place it makes such an impactful difference.

If you could delegate anything on your regular task list, what would it be? Let’s talk about it on Facebook! Whether it’s outsourcing laundry or hiring a pro to tackle something you dread, delegation is a powerful tool for managing life’s chaos.

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We’re exes, friends, and co-parenting teammates who have been through it all. We share our wins, missteps, and everything in between to help you build stronger partnerships for your kids.

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