The holidays are a whirlwind of twinkling lights, overly cheerful songs, and an endless ever-growing to-do list. (Yes, I know I probably sound like a Scrooge, haha...)

Seriously, though, throw co-parenting into the mix, and suddenly, the season feels even less like a magical sleigh ride and more akin to an early-era Olympic event—complete with hurdles, balancing acts, and the occasional baton thrown at someone. But here’s the good news: it is possible to make the holidays joyful, not just for your kids but for yourself and your co-parent too.

When my ex, Greg, and I first faced the holidays as co-parents, we were stepping into uncharted territory. There were awkward conversations, mismatched expectations, and more than a few moments where I thought, How is this going to work? But, we’ve learned a few things and we’re here to share. We’ve had wins, made mistakes, and discovered that the holidays don’t have to be perfect—they just need to be meaningful.

Here’s what’s worked for us. We hope you find a few bits in here that will work for you too.

It’s About the Kids, Not the Calendar

When you strip away the lights, the shiny things, and the to-do lists, the holidays are really about one thing: creating memories for your kids. That’s the compass Greg and I use whenever we’re faced with a tricky decision.

For us, that means spending Christmas Eve together at one house so we can both be there for the magic of Christmas morning. The first year, I wasn’t entirely sold on the idea. Sharing a holiday space with your ex isn’t exactly the plot of your average Hallmark movie. But seeing our kids’ faces light up as they got to have both of us there for the whole thing? Totally worth it.

What we have found works for us is Greg usually hosts Christmas since his house has the space for the chaos. I handle most of the shopping (and the “Santa duties”), while he takes care of the Christmas Day food prep. Is it always smooth sailing? No. But it works because we keep the focus where it belongs—on the kids.

Plan Ahead, But Stay Flexible

If co-parenting has taught me anything, it’s this: the best-laid plans are really just rough drafts. That’s especially true during the holidays, where schedules, traditions, and family expectations can collide into a glittered ball of stressful crap.

The key? Start early. By mid-fall, Greg and I like to be hashing out the details—who’s hosting, what the kids want to do, and how we’ll split responsibilities. And while having a plan is great, being flexible is even better. Things will go sideways. Someone will misplace the gift receipts, forget the extra batteries or misplace the scotch tape, (that was my fault this year! haha). That’s just part of the season.

What’s made it easier for us is simplifying. Early on, while we were still married, we tried to juggle extended family visits, making sure the kids saw everyone. It was exhausting—for us and for them. Now, we’ve set a boundary: extended family is welcome to visit us, but we’re not shuttling the kids around like overbooked sugar-drunk elves.

New Traditions, New Memories

One of the unexpected gifts we found in co-parenting during the holidays is the chance to create new traditions. It’s a blank canvas to paint a holiday season that works for your unique family dynamic.

For us, that’s been pretty simple with cookie decorating marathons and movie nights. We let the kids take the reins on what they want to do, which not only keeps things simple but also gives them a sense of ownership. Last year, they decided we’d do a gingerbread decorating competition. It was a disaster in the best way—icing everywhere, stained fingers and faces, sprinkles everywhere, and so much laughter.

We’ve also like alternating who hosts which holiday. Greg takes Christmas, and then maybe I host New Year’s. It’s a rhythm that feels fair and allows each of us to enjoy time with the kids in a relaxed, meaningful way–without anyone having to miss out on anything.

Perfection Is Overrated

There’s a moment every holiday season where I have to stop and remind myself: it doesn’t have to be perfect. The first Christmas after Greg and I separated, I put so much pressure on myself to make everything flawless. Matching pajamas? Check. Perfectly arranged tree? Check. Mini breakdown in my car? Also, check.

Now, I know better. The holidays aren’t about perfectly coordinated gift wrap or nailing the Pinterest-worthy dessert table. They’re about the moments that matter—playing board games in pajamas (even if they don’t freaking match!), watching the kids tear through their stockings, dance to the overly-cheerful music, and finding joy in the little things.

Emotions Are Part of the Package

Let’s be honest—holidays can stir up a lot of feelings, especially in a co-parenting situation. Nostalgia, sadness, frustration—they all make appearances. And that’s okay. The key is acknowledging them without letting them take over.

Self-care has been a game-changer for me. When things start to feel overwhelming, I take a break—maybe it’s a quick drive to grab tea and blast my favourite music or a few minutes of quiet to breathe. It’s a small thing, but it makes a big difference.

Another rule Greg and I live by: 'no venting about each other in front of the kids'. They don’t need to carry the weight of our frustrations. Instead, we’ve learned to lean on friends, family, a therapist or even a each other when we need to let it out.

Progress, Not Perfection

At the end of the day, co-parenting the holidays isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about showing up, working together, and keeping the focus on what truly matters. For us, that’s our kids—and the shared goal of giving them a holiday season filled with love, laughter, and maybe a little frosting in their hair.

So if you’re navigating the holidays as a co-parent, take it one step at a time. Plan ahead, embrace the chaos, and don’t be afraid to let go of the things that don’t serve your family. It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it.

Here’s to a holiday season filled with joy, connection, and just enough holiday magic to keep you smiling.

Ready to dive deeper into co-parenting strategies? Check out our podcast episode, Navigating the Holidays as Co-Parents, for more tips and stories!

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